THOUGHTS, RAMBLINGS, WHATEVS
Have you ever just said to yourself, “I’m so done with _______ ?” Yeah. I had that thought this morning. I’ve been really trapped inside of my own head lately. I’ve been doing lots of reflecting, mourning, thanking, inviting in, and also letting go. Just lots of emotional shit, really.
I’m trying to let go a lot of negative experiences, people, lost dreams, disappointments, doubts, and unhealthy relationships (all kinds, not just romantic (incl. my relationship with self)). It’s not an easy process. It’s actually quite painful. Painful, but necessary, especially if I’m going to publish these five novels this year and officially establish my film / TV production house!
ALL of that is still on the table and on schedule, but this week has been a challenge, not gonna lie. I still wrote pretty consistently, but Life likes to full-court press me from time to time, as it does all of us when it’s our time. And it’s definitely my time, pretty much for the next month or so. I think this week and the next few weeks are going to go down in my personal annals as “that time when I got my ass whopped on the court”. Lol. Yeah. So, aside from being angsty as all get out, what’s been going on that’s got my panties in a twist?
- The baby has suddenly decided to change her schedule and to essentially make everything I’m doing (including this major move) as difficult as possible. Suddenly, she won’t nap more than 30 minutes, is super clingy, and wakes up at odd hours of the night. SIGH. I genuinely feel like she’s doing it on purpose, in that she’s reacting to the idea that my focus isn’t 100% on her right now (as I have to put a lot of physical and mental energy into packing). Not sure what to do with this except push on.
- All the power cords for my laptop (which is essentially my command center) broke. And yes, I do mean ALL. This might not seem like a huge deal to most, but to a person who makes her living as a writer and blogger, this is considered the nuclear meltdown of all setbacks. (Aside from a total crash w/ loss of data w/o a back up. But I think we writers have gotten smarter in the past few years on that issue.) Anyways, I ordered a new cord, and it electrocuted me before shorting out and going dead. Lol, wtf. Cheap ass motherfucking cords, smdh, lol. I asked the seller for a refund, and I got radio silence, but we’ll see what happens. Then I ordered another one, certain that it would arrive before I leave for Tucson, and the seller has been delayed in shipping it. So now, it’s going to arrive AFTER I leave. This week has just been totally fucked, lol. Mercury must be in retrograde. In any case, I’ve been able to get some things done (as THANKFULLY I have a backup laptop), but it’s been super slow #becauseDellsstillsuck . Lol, ARGH!! It is what it is, I guess.
- Packing and stuff hasn’t been moving as quickly as I would like for the above reasons and WAY more (including some crazy personal stuff). And of course, I’m plagued by just the general anxiety that comes with making a major life change, major move, and with starting a new chapter in my personal and creative journey. Etcetera.
So, yeah, lots of challenges, tears, cursing, and setbacks, but really, it’s all first world problems right now. They feel big at the moment, but in general, I’m fortunate. Things WILL work out. My daughter and I have our health, are of sound mind, and have all the basics needed for life. And though I’m not writing AS MUCH as I’d like to, I’m at least writing consistently at a minimum of 500 words per day. That’s still cool in my book. I know that as of this July, things are also going to change in a major way that will allow me to start focusing more on myself and my needs. My creativity, my growing creative career, and taking a long look at my creative goals is really helping me to stay centered until then.
As one of my best friends says, I’ll keep being relentless. Because I’m worth it, my daughter’s worth it, and my dreams are worth it. So, onwards and upwards, son!
So here’s what happened last week, and what will be (hopefully) happening this week:
LAST WEEK’S HAUL
What I wrote: I finished 4,965 words of The Iron Maiden last week. More than last week, which is nice. I had a decent streak, but I missed two days of writing, and that really irked me. Whenever I miss writing days, all I can see / think about are the missed words, like “Damn, I could have written 6,000 words or even 7,000 words last week if I had just…”. Yeah. I know that kind of thinking isn’t good for morale, but I’m trying to keep my standards up. Lol. Ah well!
What I edited: Nothing. No time, really. As usual, I guess.
What I read / watched / listened to: Staying steady on The Barefoot Executive. It’s not as intellectually “explosive” as I would like, but it’s not a bad read, either. It’s just more of what I’ve been studying in my creative uni, but that’s not the book’s fault. 🙂 I’m also still reading Lee Lofland’s “Police Procedural & Investigation”, and I’ve started SM Reine’s Six Moon Summer, too. (Needed some fiction in there!)
What I researched / developed: I came up with some cool plot twists and plot lines for Blood & Ink, which is the book that is coming out after The Iron Maiden. Yay! Also, a MAJOR SURPRISE HERE (for me, at least): so, I’m aiming to shoot an action / thriller / sci-fi film trilogy in the summer of 2019 called THE GRID. (But that’s not the surprise, lol.) The Grid film trilogy has been on my creative slate for a few months now, and it has since expanded into a movie tie-in book trilogy as well. It is currently in development, and it will have a 3-year development & pre-production period.
But what surprised me this week was how clearly the backstory walked itself into my mind this past Thursday. It just ROLLED out of my subconscious like James Bond, fully-grown, dressed to the nines, and sexy as fuck, like “I’m here, bitches. Sorry to have kept you waiting. By the way, I’m Grid. The Grid.”
The backstory, theme, social significance, some cool twists… they were all speaking to me, and I loved it! I’m still developing the world, characters, and story lines, but I’m excited that I now have a solid story-based launchpad for my project. And of course, I’m giving The Grid a lot of room to breathe and evolve as an idea.
So yeah, lots of excitement on that front. Lots of stuff to keep me amped while I grind away at The Books of Ezekiel!
What I learned: I sat one masterclass called “How to Get 10,000 Fans, Publish a Book, and Make $100,000 in 18 Months” by Jeff Goins. Aside from that, though, nothing else really popped off in my learning life. I literally had zero time to indulge in my creative uni this week. I was annoyed by it, but there wasn’t much I could do, honestly.
THIS WEEK’S HUSTLE
What I’m writing: More of The Iron Maiden. I’m on my write-to-done grind.
What I’m editing: Nada. Nothing planned, at least.
What I’m reading / watching / listening to: Probably going to cycle between The Barefoot Executive, Six Moon Summer, and Police Procedure & Investigation. My focus will be on finishing The Barefoot Executive, though. I don’t want to have to haul that on the plane with me next week.
What I’m researching / developing: I don’t have anything specific planned. I’ve been in a solid “write-pack-write-pack” grind. Still, my subconscious continues to surprise me as it did with The Grid. So, let’s just say I’m staying open to more intellectual and creative surprises!
What I’m learning: I’ve temporarily put my creative uni on pause, as it’s becoming clear that I will have ZERO time for that for another couple weeks. 🙁 Plus my preferred laptop is down and out for the count until further notice. But if I see an opening, I might try to crack one of the courses open. We’ll see!
So, that’s me, good, bad, and ugly! What’s going on with you this week? Any cool stuff happening with your goals? Or are you in the middle of a setback? Drop your thoughts and comments below!
Writing on, rocking on, and forever journeying towards creative badassery,